


Drink Me (Vampires Do Not Interact)

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But She Doesn't Have Anyone Else To Talk To, Crack, Gen, Humor, I Write a Lot of Dumb Things and This Is One of Them, Isaac and Carmilla Aren't Friends, The Vampires Are Still Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 21:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16860421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: Modern AU crack. Carmilla can't get a date at college and is upset.





	Drink Me (Vampires Do Not Interact)

~ Drink Me (Vampires Do Not Interact) ~

Isaac sighed as Carmilla slid into the seat across from him at the cafeteria table. Vampires had their own separate feeding chamber (with ethically sourced human blood), which meant she was here just to  _bother_  him.

Carmilla folded her arms on the table in front of her, then laid her head down on her folded arms and declared melodramatically, "College is going to kill me."

Ignoring the obvious attempt to bait him into asking what was wrong, he snapped, "Why are you going to college anyway? You're a centuries-old vampire who could be doing  _literally anything else_  you wanted."

"Yes, and I got bored and wanted to see what knowledge humans have discovered lately," she replied, seemingly unfazed by Isaac's harsh response.

He went back to eating his food, but rather than acknowledge that she was being ignored, Carmilla took her interlocutor's silence as an invitation to continue airing her grievances.

"You know the theater department is putting on a production of Alice in Wonderland? There are so many cute drama nerds walking around wearing shirts that say 'Drink Me' on them  _who do not want to be bitten by a vampire_. It is... frustrating, to say the least..."

And within the next week, thanks to Isaac, everyone involved in the play had new shirts which were exactly the same as the original design, but with an additional line of text reading:  _(Vampires Do Not Interact)_. Soon the design spread out further into the campus population.

Many students outside the theater department didn't know the reason behind the anti-vampire addendum and wondered if the play was an adaptation that had added vampires into the classic storyline, as such things were a current trend in pop culture. When they questioned the drama nerds about it, and were informed that the t-shirt alterations were due to a specific actual vampire who was also a student, another new version of the shirt popped up and became even more prevalent among the student population.

Carmilla couldn't really file an official complaint with the school about it, because the shirts made it easy for her to identify those who did not want to be bitten by a vampire, which was kind of the opposite of discrimination since it was for her own convenience in identifying possible partners.

Even so, she was not amused when she went to complain to Isaac about it, only to find him wearing an Alice in Wonderland t-shirt with the additional slogans:  _(Vampires Do Not Interact) (ESP. CARMILLA)_.

~end~


End file.
